MEIPING©

2010-09-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

Went to stalford at 10.30am for a 3 hour mock exam paper. Rain entered the room, it was like raining indoors. I changed seat, the guy in front of me didn't. He ended up asking for tissue from the teacher to clean his table so he could write, joker. Did like only one question, period.

Went over to find val and agnes at mambo billiards. Saw val, agnes didn't reach. And when she did, she said she was lost on the second floor, me went to fetch her in and guess what, she was just a few metres away from the entrance. That blur girl wore slippers and can't enter, jeremy brought ahpek shoes for her and she refused to wear. She found her own shoes in the end and came in, before that she tried to sneak in but was caught by the bloody security guard again.

Val went off first and we played a few more rounds, on the bus decided to pei agnes to find her way to the funeral. Pangseh jeremy and the arcade trip. Sorry! She found her friend without much difficulty and i walked back home since there's no bus.

Training tomorrow, i can feel my sore throat turning into a cough. Head's still heavy, how am i gonna run and everything. M'sia trip after training, i don't wish to go. Tireddd.

2010-08-17T07:29:00.001-07:00

2010-08-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

Got put aeroplane twice by the same person, over the same issue, over two straight days. I've been played around like a fool. For stupid reasons like i wanna sleep, no mood. Hey, i didn't sleep yesterday night and still i agreed happily thinking you wanted to make up for it. I WAS SO WRONG. Sleep is more important than the two friends you pangseh-ed twice. Fine, enough is enough, i'm not gonna jio you out anymore.

Another quarrel at home just now, raising my voice and being shouted at. Sorry but our relation is strained again. Since we can't talk nicely we must as well don't talk. Silence will be all that we have except for the tv. Dinner will be taken separately. I will solve my own problems, when you don't wish to see me in the house i can go over to someone's else's crib. Next life, i hope you'd get a better daughter, not someone like me.

2010-07-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Dude hope you're reading this man, change something. You think you keep quiet act emo people will give you the attention isit? First you make people pissed, people flare up at you, you think people act that way cos they don't like you. Chao ahgua can fucking just apologise anot, make people angry still want people to come ask you, " why emo? why sad? what happened? " Look who's the victim can anot. Some people nice nice don't want angry with you, can automatic abit don't so irritating already not. WAHLAUEH i don't want kaopei kaopei here but just do something about yourself, tyvm. :)

2010-07-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

Sibeh sian, heard another friend break up today. Was going home from macs when we spotted each other across the road. Talk for awhile by the road and that silly girl wanna get a tattoo. Haha wait till you grow up girl, tattoos are fine, but what you're inking ain't.

Been a rough 9 months. 02/10, i will always remember.

2010-07-01T06:52:00.000-07:00

Got suan-ed by teachers for my skirt again, Ms lee in the morning, Mr Tong told me the netball Ms lee complained about my skirt to him too. Later call me unpick skirt again, sian bo.

Okay then lessons were alright, keep changing seats to keep both claire and valerie entertained. School's boring nowadays, esp physics. Do one question think correct, in the end all wrong, dulan don't wanna do. Irritating to keep on correction taping all my written answers!

Training was fine, pulled my quads just yesterday, miracle i can still run. Made it into the 15, i'm lucky.

There, short update cos i'm off to finish up my compo which should have been done during the june holidays!

2010-06-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

Went for 2/5 class chalet from 23-24th. On the 23th, went over after training with Qingyi. Bought subway over to the chalet to eattt. Not many people there, only the few usual ones. Slacked around, went cycling, ehub. Played with Qingyi's itouch. Think we had a couple rounds of monopoly deal too. Basketball was fail cos the ball was black and there's not much light, almost equivalent to playing in the dark.

24th, went over in the early afternoon. Met with qingyi and clarence and walked over to rent bike. Then off to ehub to get macs and stuffs for that night's dinner. Clarence became fatimah, carried all the stuffs, haha. Went to play pool which sucked then play at the playground afterso with claire and the two guys. Back to chalet to chill and change. Rested awhile before the band and nomad people came. Over to ehub for arcade for a couple of hours. Talked to qingyi awhile at the beach before a cockroach disturbed us and qingyi felt something supernatural. Back to chalet where all the fun started. Starting drinking and playing poker with the people there. Haha, truth or dare that time, samuel always suaysai, people who's there will know what i meant. Drank and played till 2 before jesmine's dad picked us up again.

Done. couple of pictures. Koped from claire's facebook.

2010-06-21T18:25:00.001-07:00

Up and early. Class gathering later on, wonder how many people goes. Looks like its gonna rain, and i suppose we don't have any wet weather plans over at the beach later on. Hoseh liao.

Dreamt something very funny just this morning, and i supposed i was semi-awake cos i remembered the dream. Haha. It was at a kelong/beach/jetty kinda place. Just gonna tell you guys the funny parts.
1) Valerie was in my dream ( i don't know why i dreamt of her), and she fell face down, starfish-like position into the MUD. -.-

2) The beach is like in the middle of ancient times and our time. My brother and i were trapped on THAT beach. Walk the wrong way climb the wrong hill up you will see the never ending sea, ancient times with women just wearing a piece of cloth picking mussles and clams on the beach OR a construction site. We walked all 3 routes. -.- Climbed 3 fucking steep hill.

3) We used a compass to find our way out. Like who still uses compass now right?! Finding the north, that's where we supposed is the right way. And vola, we did get the right way.

4) My menses suddenly came ( in the dream not in real life) and i was trapped, dirty and worn out, on the beach. How pathetic and gross lah!

Okay that's about it, i woke up after that.

Dear Dad,

2010-06-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by
jumping out
of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . u
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

2010-06-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

Don't know if i should actually go for the class chalet. I wonder if you'd be going. Walking down the beach, seeing humpty dumpty/ kinderjoy. Wishing the road will never come to an end.

I knew where i went wrong, give us both another chance? Yes, no?

2010-06-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

Worked at downtown east for an event today. Had to run a games stall for the kids, backbreakinggg. Throw ball the net so big cannot aim, got the jumping balloon thing to block still can throw out. When i mean out, its totally close eyes throw that kinda out. Hit old auntie still kena nagged say dangerous. -.- Okay done blogging.

2010-05-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

I deleted what i posted. Instead of posting nonsensical stuffs like what's happening in school, i guess i'd share something i saw just now with you guys.

While waiting for my bus to tuition, i saw the two lower primary kids with their mom. The older brother started talking about something happening to the swing, the mom understood, the younger brother didn't. So, the brother asked, '' where is the swing? ''. The older brother merely replied, '' playground''. Duh everyone know swings are located at playgrounds. The younger kid wanna know where the playground is at. So he kept asking and asking, and the older brother ignored him, he got more and more agitated upon being ignored, the mommy stepped in and sided with the older brother.

I watched on, they boarded the same bus as me, in the bus, the younger brother never gave up asking. The mother found him irritating and stopped him from asking anymore, telling him it doesn't matter where it's at. He still didn't gave up, the mom continued ranting at him, finally, he gave up and slumped into his seat, sulking. I wondered why the mom couldn't be more patient with her own kid. He's just curious about stuffs, asking things he's unsure about. Why just couldn't she take some time to answer his question.

A simple happening made me thought alot. For the whole bus trip i was thinking, hey that looked like me when i was young. I always had to depend on myself. Whenever i got into a fight with my brother, mommy always sided brother. She used to tell us that when we got into a fight, don't retaliate, and we won't be at fault. Whenever brother started a fight, i told mommy, mommy didn't care. I listened, i didn't retaliate, but nothing was done to get me out of the fight, she never stepped in to say anything.

I grew up to understand they don't keep their words. I learnt to take things into my own hands, he fought me, i fought back. It's either a win or lose. Everytime he'd go crying, everytime i didn't cared, i know i did right. That was perhaps why my relationship with mommy is strained, she never once sided me. Till today, i can't talk to her without getting into a quarrel. And perhaps, i've already given up trying.

2010-05-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

Go school today waste time only. Check papers, watched wizard of oz at which i slept when the twister happened, super lame. Check more papers, blah blah, geog do self corrections which apparently no one did. Arcade after school.

And Claire made me a friendship band, with hearts one which i'm trying to learn. Orange and black, how sweet. :)
I wanted to scold her for showing me that she can do i cannot, but she surprised me saying it's for me, haha paiseh lah. Life's simple joys. Thanks babe.

Training tomorrow again, sian half.

2010-05-14T07:37:00.001-07:00

Sitting on the sofa in an awkward position with my lappy on my left thigh. The heat's burning me, only bad thing about a lappy. Typing is this position is hard.

Went out with brother today, Hongjun came over to wait for us both to bathe. Off to kovan to find their arcade, went into heartlands mall didn't see any arcade so just anyhow walk walk. Then back to amk, almost went to vivo. Saw Terrence at hub, anyway he's always there. The guys played on the midnight machines. Tried jubeat a couple of times, basketball too. Went down to fairprice to get stock up on snacks, mommy and daddy wanna come over to get stuffs so in the end went home together.

What's for tomorrow? POOL? I mean i wanna play pool like the cue and balls kinda and swim at the same time. Hahaha or suntec with the girls?

2010-05-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

After math paper today, went to cycle with jeremy, joel, mingwei and amanda. Lent jeremy one of my bikes and apparently he cannot cycle very well. From my house to bus stop he totally crashed into a pole and flew out of the bike. My bike front wheel and right break got screwed. Then he crash alot more times along the way, he can't cycle on roads, bus stops and narrow spaces, half the time he was just running with the bike.

Mambo billiards was full, got back to hub. Two missing went someone's house. Watch movie, the backup plan. Sucks like shit i can fall asleep la, all kissing scenes, boringggg. Arcade after that, first time trying out jubeat, haha kinda fun. Guess i'm gonna spend my holidays and money on it. :D

2010-05-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

Last paper tomorrow.
Do you still remember what happened during the exams last year?

2010-05-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

昨天一个人半夜还在读书. 突然觉得好寂寞, 每次考试都有你陪着我. 这次却孤军作战. 记得也是考试失去你的，你告诉我考试后我们会再出去，现在好好读书，我听你的，可是你之后再也没到我身边. 我想让你知道我到今天还在期望你会回到我身边. 我答应你我不会再对你有任何要求,不会再这么野蛮,不会这么固执, 给你自己的空间. 你在我心里是最完美的,不需再做任何改变. 这也只可以实现, 若你回到我身边. 你还记得我们之前对彼此的承诺吗?我答应的事,绝不会返回.

2010-05-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

Very brief summary of whatever that happened, mum's screaming away and i'm leaving home for a breather.

Kena crashed into the railing on a bike. Studying for exams. Play pool.

Done.

2010-04-24T22:54:00.001-07:00

Met up with Umar at 10 and went to the library. Studied alittle of social studies. At 12 Claire came followed by jeremy. Met valerie and shixian over at drive thru macs. Ate and called Daniel to come down. Played at the playground and then to hub's arcade. Played awhile before all of us went home.

Went over to the opening of the helix bridge aftermath. Couple of pictures below.

When all else fails, God doesn't.

2010-04-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

Notice

2010-04-10T08:14:00.001-07:00

Gonna be less active here till the midyear's over. Linkings and tags replies will come in late. Blog maybe during the weekends. Texts and calls that ain't important will not be entertained. :) Thank you for your kind attention.

2010-04-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

Let me make this general comment from what i observed, Ms L** appearance in school is equivalent to trouble of some sort? I see people kena, wah heng not me. Scarly today got something for me. People sitting a few seat behind me during assembly also kena if i'm not wrong. Hahaha.

Bio test first period, not too bad, a pass is not too difficult. Math was total crap la alamak. Equation of straight line, parallel and perpendicular lines... Can fall asleep anytime. Geog even more ho seh, ismail talk crap, and then says " okay test next week, chapter 6, 7 ,8. "

Tireddd! Off to sleep.

2010-04-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

To think i've done all these stuffs before though not on a daily basis.

2010-04-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

I found out you have shed tears over me when we were together, and to think i didn't thought you cared. My tears for you was worthwhile, definitely. But everything's too late now perhaps, we are so distant now. You let go, but i loved you more than ever. Perhaps, i may still be waiting..

2010-03-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

I got really fucked up a few days ago. Everytime my mom goes to school, she comes home screaming at me. I don't know what fucking stuffs the teacher(s) told her. But i know who you are bastard, the first thing i asked when she started her crap i asked who the hell said all those. You said those stuffs to my mom, when i get to you about it don't say you didn't say it.

Everyone thought you are Mr Nice, i once thought so too, but not anymore. The more you get on my nerves the more trouble i'm gonna give you, i don't take things lying down. You stabbed me at the back, if you have the guts come stab me at the front, find trouble with ME, not my parents. I'm the one you are against. Why the hell involve my parents and spoil all relationships. Chao cheebye.

Enough said.

2010-03-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm getting really annoyed with each passing day. I don't know how, but i know we are definitely drifting very very very far apart. You weren't like that in the past, you used to be the first one i'd talk to in times of trouble, but now, look what it had become.

I'd lie in bed and think, is it me or you that have changed things to this state. I don't have the ability to judge myself, but neither do i trust your judgement. You said the way i talk, the way i give you my attitude. I thought through it, how come only you? Daddy doesn't think so, i'm still as close as ever with daddy, i talk the same way, act the same way around him. Perhaps, you just don't know me well enough. On the outside i may seem bo chap about everything, but you won't know what i'm actually thinking within me.

You get fucked up so easily when talking to me. I get fucking pissed too. You may wonder why i rarely talk to you nowadays, sighs, i just don't want another quarrel to start. No matter what i say, i know i will lose, you're always right. Times when you start ranting and i walk away, i hope you know, its cause i love you too much to hurt you with my harsh words when i'm pissed, so i rather let silence take over anything. Sorry, but i guess i will have to do things the hard way.

2010-03-21T06:15:00.000-07:00

Spent today playing pool at mummy's clubhouse. Daddy called his friend along, pool pro la. He used to play pool to earn money in clubs and all that, and didn't had to work. Used to be an ahbeng with daddy, he's filled with tattoo. After he married go pour acid on his arm trying to remove tattoo, gross to the max. But now he's a taxi driver. Should learn how to play pool properly maybe next time when i'm in need of money this will come in handy. :D

School's reopening tomorrow, one week seems so short! I haven't done any homework! :D

Tag replies:

YUNROU! :B > Linked already.
Teresa (: > Haha, everyone thinks so too.
YUNROU! :B > I never go anywhere leh, all the while in SG.
Celine! > Hahaha been waiting for you but you never came!
Brenda > Chilled. :)
yile > haha, its okay la i'm won't be offended.
yile > Yeah everyone agrees.
Claire > I don't know! You look at it it's actually blue, but with camera's flash it's red. :/
Die Silently > Thanksss. My maths not as pro as yours.
yile > haha, they very kelian, found in drain w/o mother cat.

2010-03-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

So whoever that reads my tweets know what happened that day when i went for tution.
I shall not explain everything in details for fear that some people that ain't supposed to come here reads this. And for that perhaps i'd get into a greater mess than what i'm in now.

So what if i failed my maths, so what. I may seem like i don't care about it, but who wants to fail? You think i'm not trying but look who's spending so much time into it? School, remdials, both A and E math tuition. What for? I've too much time on my hands? If i didn't cared i wouldn't have spent so much time into all these crap.

Had enough, really. Drive me up the wall, try me. 到我不可以再忍下去的地步，我会跑家。到时别来找我。

2010-03-15T22:56:00.001-07:00

Done with the kittens' posts like finally. The reason i'm splitting the post up into so many post is cos the picures takes too long to upload. Or rather i don't have the patience to wait sooooo long. Now that i'm finally done with it!

I do linkings now, so do tag with your urls! :D

Kitten Finale

2010-03-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

Kittens Part 3

2010-03-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

The kittens are coming over tomorrow again! Mad happy! :D

Kittens Part 2

2010-03-13T06:00:00.001-08:00

Kittens Part 1

2010-03-11T06:02:00.000-08:00

Cute or not?! :D More coming up, tag people!

Self control!

2010-03-09T03:30:00.000-08:00

Its time to have some self control. I've been doing it alittle much too often. Sooner or later i'd be doomed. D:

How long can you hang in there?

2010-03-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

Struggling to stay alive ever since she was born.99 days of struggling before God took her away. A mere 99 days, everyday is a gift. I'm lucky to be alive, these little struggles i meet are nothing compared to hers. Thank you lord, for this beautiful gift of life.

Can't wait to grow up?

2010-03-07T03:24:00.000-08:00

“Lollipops turn into cigarettes.

The innocent ones turn into sluts.

Homework goes in the trash.

Mobile phones are being used in class.

Detention becomes suspension.

Soda becomes vodka.

Bikes become cars.

Kisses turn into sex.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?

When protection meant wearing a helmet?

When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?

Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings.

Race issues were about who ran the fastest.

War was only a board game.

And the only drug you knew was cough medicine.

The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?

And we couldn’t wait to grow up?”

-Author Unknown

2010-03-06T05:44:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry i think i let you down. I don't deserve all the love you gave. Perhaps you'd never know what happened, but it's the first and last time. It was a moment of weakness, i didn't think of you.. Sorryyy.

2010-03-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

Short update.

Trainings started yesterday. Training too tomorrow at 10am. Meeting someone after that probably. I wonder if i'm gonna like netball again, i'm getting reallyyy tired of it.

Tests are coming in like nobody's business, one test after another. So many subjects, so little time. Gonna have no time for the world outside school anymore! Is it just our school or is everyone else's school like that too? I'm not in a branded school how come life is so hectic!

Done with post, off to the phone!

2010-03-03T05:09:00.000-08:00

Finally got a piercing after so long, with sponsorship included! Got it on my left ear on my birthday that's why it's free. It takes 4 days to heal or something before i can take out to change the stud. I just got it yesterday and i have netball tomorrow, howhow? I don't want it to close!

Netball's resuming tomorrow, haven't been training or running at all for so longgg. Long day tomorrow, school, remedial, netball. Only gonna be home earliest at seven, boohoo.

Aiya okay already post so much like nag.

02.03.95

2010-03-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

Delayed post.

Birthday was great, thanks 3/3, netballers, classmates and fellow mayflowerians, mummy and daddy. And most importantly, thank YOU too!

Birthday song by 3/3 and a gift, couple keychain. :D Jennifer and valerie for the PINK panther, claire and mingwei for the ribena and ultra cute cup. Jeremy for the thought that counts, yunfann for the thought that counts. Jes, siya, yiqing, lyn for the sweet rain, which caused an orhceh on my back. Sing ping and yile for their company and sponser for my piercing. And the netballers for the birthday celebration today.

Mummy and daddy thanks for the cheesecake. And you, for your card and treat and love. :D

And everyone that wished my in one way or another. Through msn, facebook, sms, calls and verbally.

2010-03-02T08:36:00.000-08:00

Its 12.37 and i haven't really finished studying for geog, much less bio. Birthday's over, thanks for everything. Will post about it tomorrow, too tired now!

And ohyeah, sorry to the two guys i promised to text at night which i didn't! You guys know who you are! Paiseh!

2010-02-28T07:15:00.000-08:00

Went to eat at sakura today, food wasn't even good, but i was with people i love. :D Ate and ate, too bad there wasn't chocolate fondue. Ate my first RAW oyster today, fishy ttm, i swallowed without chewing. Spammed ice cream after that and then off to bai bai, though i don't belive it la.

To the temple to bai tai sui, don't know what pig fan tai sui i also don't know la. Mad hot and sweating like shit while being smoked by joss sticks. Only good thing was that i got to see hens and roosters and CHICKS! Baby chicks mad cute, daddy wanted to catch one chick for me and the hen started to kaopei. But we had more fun outside the temple. There were roosters and hens roaming freely and guess what, we started chasing one particular rooster like how they did in kampongs! More and more people then joined but then all chase awhile only, haha. Some uncles was looking at us in a weird way. Chased the rooster from under cars to the middle of the road to under cars again. Irritating when they hide unders cars cos i can't get to them! Sweating like one siao kia after that, on the bus people was staring at me, nice clothings but full of sweat. Pretty turn off yeah?

Andand i'm having hotcakes for breakfast tomorrow! Fattteningggg.

2010-02-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

I had always blamed you for the hurt, probably that's why i couldn't recover. I will learn to forgive. Hope you can forgive me too, so that you can forget me.

2010-02-23T05:19:00.000-08:00

This is specially dedicated to you. If not i won't even blog, its just that this is the only way i can say things.

J, i owe you a million of apologies. Nothing i do is ever enough to redeem myself. Thank you for being there whenever i needed you, rain or shine, in tears or laughters. You will never be too busy to spend time with me, i'm sorry i didn't put you first in my heart like how you did. I can see you're trying very hard to make things work, i'm not there yet, but i promise i will work things out. I've been out of love, i know how it feels to be you, to be the only one fighting against all odds.

Sorry for not being able to clear my mind of him, sorry for making you wait for me. Sorry for being so indecisive. I held my head high and walked out of the mess, but the hurt made me fearful of whatever is gonna come our way. I know you will carry everything on your shoulders just to ease my burden, to clear every obstacle in my way so everything will go smoothly. You won't last, let me share it alright?

I wrote you something, its in your letterbox. Don't be touched to tears alright! xoxo.

2010-02-04T06:21:00.000-08:00

Remedial after school was merely copying of answers, haven't even completed one question all the answers are up on the board. With the answers, who will go do the questions themselves?

Basketball-ed with jessica, lyn and siya. Hahaha, gei kiang go take out slippers play. Less than 10 minutes blisters formed. Uber hot gound and rough surface = blisters. Played till 7.30 before i went home.

Supposed to be studying chemistry for tomorrow's test, sian!

2010-02-01T06:11:00.001-08:00

Haven't been posting recently yeah. Been bring food to school to stay awake during class, till now no teachers said anything about it. More and more people are doing so already, and i'm taking orders for food, haha. Pokey, choco mint, all kinda snacks. Started with nuts today, healthier choice.

Test coming in from wednesday onwards, Amath is a killer, i understand nothing about factor/remainder theorem. Pssst, i *ailed emath test!

Pe tomorrow, wanna see what kinda lame warmup Mr Lai can come out with again! Another day without netball, great!

Ohyeah i may not be posting much on here, but i'm quite active on twitter. :D http://twitter.com/meipingg

2010-01-17T06:20:00.004-08:00

When i'm trying to be nice to you, you always go overboard. Once i start listening to you, you start to control me. I don't like to be under anyone's control, but i know my limits alright. Enough of all these nonsense, trying to be good to please you. When i start doing my stuffs, you ask me to do stuffs to clear your to-do list. Hey, i have my life to live too. I know you're stressed, i know. Who's not stressed?! I've alot to cope too, my studies, arranging time for tuition and all. I can't be possibly helping you to de-stress by sharing your workload, who's gonna share mine? And you said it was my responsibility, i try my best to fulfil it, do i have to fulfil what's outside my responsibility too?

Fine fine just take it i'm just ranting. Whatever i'm doing now is just something so small it's nothing compared to yours. I'm just gonna wash my hands off all your stuffs. It's not that i don't wanna care anymore, i've no rights to care if i can't do everything you want. I will be different, you cope your life, i cope mine. I don't poke my head into your stuffs, you tell me what you wanna tell, i won't ask anymore.

2010-01-15T04:57:00.000-08:00

Went to school to watch the sec one campfire. Hahaha, i was probably the only sec 3 there, everyone was at camp. Apparently it rained earlier on so the performance was held in the canteen instead. Music was blasting and i spotted ms yeo sitting at a corner. I thought she noticed me earlier when i walked past her twice when she was talking to a parent i think. And then she walked right past me inches away and didn't see me either, hahaha. She texted me and finally realised i was just right behind her la, so blur one. Talked to her alittle, cannot hear cause the music was so loud. Then went down to the parade square for the campfire, she talked to mummy i don't know what. Then home-d after that, since everything was ending. :D

2010-01-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

School's just started two days ago, and i'm already feeling so drained. I cannot imagine people in 3/5, confirm like hell. After recess i can't help but feel so freaking tired, even if i didn't eat. I see people dozing off in class, some even to the extent of drooling. Pure geog was horrible today, and without being taught we had homework. Yawns.

2009-12-21T06:10:00.000-08:00

I got really pissed with my brother just now. I was sweared at, just cos i switched the tv channel. He's watching some stupid dumb show, or rather, he was playing on the psp. Since he wasn't watching, it make sense for me to watch something better than some stupid people trying to guess some lameshit lyrics.

What got into me wasn't so much of the swearing, but how i had to let it go and withstand his attitude. Ever since i had this brother, i was taught to give in to everything i do. Or rather, i was forced to. From simple things like toys to fights and quarrels, i had to give in all. Whenever we quarrelled, fought, i was the one who got it in the end. Never was it once his fault, never. When i was younger, i used to whine and complain, but he's better at it. As things gets on, i've learnt, to take things into my own hands.

But till today, nothing happens when he says or do things that's over the line. I'm still the one that's taking it all. I don't want to rant or whine like a little kid anymore, but i guess things do have a limit to where they can get to. Its time to take turns, 14 years is a turn long enough.

2009-12-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

I HAD to blog this cos i'm so freaked out currently.

I was on my comp listening to Tayor Swift's fifteen just a moment ago through my earpiece. And guess what, i heard my ahma's voice in the background of the song. I swear my ahma was just sitting on the sofa. I looked at her and then back to my comp again. Totally FREAKED OUT! And then trying to convince myself it was coming from ahma, i paused the song and stared at her, nope, she wasn't talking at all. Shrugging my shoulders, i resumed the song again, and there, it's her voice again! The usual screeching voice she's always speaking when she's talking. Darn, the song's still on pause now, although i don't believe in such things, how did ahma's voice got into the comp?!

2009-12-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

However hard i tried, i failed to get out of the mess i'm in. Something that's built from nothing took one, coming two years, and torn down in just a matter of seconds. I took two months to heal, unsuccessfully. There's still pain in me, perhaps more regrets and unanswered questions burning within me. From that day on, you became my weakest point

2009-12-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

Haven't been touching the lappy for a pretty long time already. So alittle update today.

1 December, class chalet was great. Flew kites and all, check out the blogs of those who went. Detailed updates over at theirs. Kite flying was great, with Jiaxun and Qingyi. " Qingyi 好像很喜欢收线 hor? " Funny comment by Jiaxun. Really, he kept reeling in the string in fear it will get caught in the tress, like that kite how can fly. And then when it finally got up into the sky we got it down and started flying it all over again. In the sky no more fun already.

Barbecue wasn't quite successful. Chicken wings not cooked. So escaped to downtown foodcourt to makan instead. I no bike since i wasn't staying over, had to run there. But the two guys that went were quite gentlemanly, laughs. Both offered to carry my bag while i ran, and Qingyi took over the running halfway. Never thought there would be gentlemen in 2/5. The group sent me off to the bus stop after the meal.

Training later on, sian yiqing sick again.

2009-11-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

There's something i've been wanting to post up, but it will take pretty much a long time for me to really express whatever i want to say. I don't want to rant, or whine about things, so i guess i shall just forget the whole thing. Fyi, i've already got the first part typed out, just didn't finish it. Reminds me of the class chalet post, the second part's half done too. Sighs, its too late to post it up now anyway, everything is over..

There's this home progamme thingy introduced today. I wonder how long i can consistently do it for. Eating junk food every couple of days and all, totally unhealthy lifestyle. Running been kinda slow lately too.

Out tomorrow and probably thursday too.

2009-11-13T04:34:00.000-08:00

Sighs, i'm in 3/3 next year. Yesterday night, or rather today morning, was already bad enough. Today afternoon was even worse, upon seeing who's in my class. No offence to those that are in 3/3 yeah. Gonna be so boring and dead in the class since no one's gonna stir up trouble, like what we have in the current 2/5.

Guess things will get better as time goes on, i hope. Why this allocation, don't get to be with the people i want, and people that i dislike quite alot are in my class. I foresee a loner school life ahead. 4 years, wasted. The very first decision i made to enter amkss was a wrong one, nothing's going well.

I'm really pissed now, next post later or tomorrow.

And you, you entered your dream class, my prayers for you were answered.
I'll remember you.

2009-11-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

I wonder why i have to be so hypocritical at times.

I pretend to be friendly and talk to you when deep down inside me, all i feel is hatred and resentment against you. I have plenty of reasons to be hating you, and i'd probably hate you more than anyone, for you did the worse thing anyone could have done. None of your words nor actions can make up for it, ever.

Perhaps i should just stop talking to you totally, ignore everything. I don't wish to do whatever i'm doing now, i'm not comfortable with handling two emotions that are directly opposite of each other. I'm sorry, maybe you won't know what you had done to deserve this cold shoulder of mine, but it's too much against my conscience to be talking to you especially in such a hypocritical way.

I HATE ROACHES!

2009-11-08T07:27:00.003-08:00

Just about 15 minutes ago, disaster struck my house. Okay, disaster stuck me instead. I figured out that it'd probably be more interesting to let you guys know the whole 'disaster' in details. Longgg story..

At 11, i decided to get a bath and then hit the sack. What's worse i'm having a stupid headache that's been bugging me the entire day. Dug the basket where all the unfolded clothing were for my shorts. And then, from the corner of my eye, i saw something black moving coming out from the room opposite my bedroom. IT WAS A FUCKING BLACK/HUGE COCKROACH! It struck me so hard i STONED and watch the roach moving. Now i know what " stood rooted to the ground" means.

That stupid darn black roach apparently knows someone had noticed it, and ran ultra fast into MY BEDROOM! It can't climb over the mattress laid on the floor, so it tried to find an alternative escape route and came out of the room! I swear for a split second the roach stoned and looked straight at me. It identified me as its enemy and guess what, IT GREW WINGS AND STARTED FLYING TOWARDS ME!!

If you guys don't know, the ONLY insect i'm afraid is the cockroach. Conversation between me and my bro:

Me: " Ahhh! 有蟑螂! 有蟑螂!!!"
( Squats on computer chair)
Bro: "哪里？where got 蟑螂?"
Me: ( Furiously pointing) 那边! 那边! 看到没有?!
Bro: 我去拿 pesticide.
Me: 快点 lah! 跑掉 liao!
Bro: 没有 pesticide! 我去 ahma 房间拿.

In the meantime, the cockroach went under the fish tank. Bro armed with pesticide sprayed it and ASSURED IT WAS DEAD. So after the big fuss i walked into daddy's bedroom. Opened my wardrob in the dark and i saw something even darker moving on the floor just beside me. On the lights and its was the freaking roach just now! DIDN'T DIE! Second round of ordeal started again. -.-

This time was more comical, i ran onto my brother's bed, shouting for my bro to wipe out the roach. Daddy was already sleeping and i crossed over him, trying to get to the other side. And then cockroach flew again! I tripped over daddy and almost fell off the bed. Daddy woke up and was grumpy. I was in such hysterical that ahma came over to the room to see what's happening. Mummy came out of the toilet and stood there laughing.

Bro finally killed the cockroach which caused so such distress to me. The corpse is probably still under the bed. I was sweating after the whole thing, trying to escape that stupid cockroach that chased me. I ran out of the room immediately after i see no roach. Floor > chair > bedroom > bed > daddy's bed > sofa. Amazing not?

I was ultra sleepy before the whole thing and after so much running and screaming i can't sleep anymore. That's why i'm blogging now. Coming to one and i'm still not tired. Bet i'm gonna have nightmares tonight. Darn cockroaches, especially those that can fly. Urgh. Happy laughing at my comical acts people. Not very usual for me to be so crazy.

2009-11-01T04:34:00.000-08:00

When you're about to give up, ask yourself why you hanged on in the first place.

I'll never be able to forget you. Twenty years down the road, till the day i enter my grave, i'll still be proud to say, " You were my first true love. "

2009-10-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

So shagged now. Sports day was alright, i ran 3 sprints back to back. Among which two were neck to neck, lost to creativity, won compassion. I guess height does matters, the longer you are, the higher the probabilty of any body part crossing the finishing line first. Alittle muscle strain here and there, not even my butt is aching, so much for muscles.

After sports day was totally horrible. Like my worst day ever in my entire 14 years. So much that i can write a compo about it already. So i will just list it out rather than type out a whole chunk.
- Had to hold my pee for ultra long till i found a toilet.
- Found a toilet but there's a darn long queue.
- The person in front of me that used it didn't flush.
- Couldn't think of where to go.
- Opened my bottle of root beer that had been shaken in my bag, all over my hands.
- Couldn't find a rubbish bin to dispose the tissue and had to hold it for so long.
- Lost my wallet on the way when someone is fucking hungry.
- Had to travel back to find.

Okay, there's more but i'm tired. That is like enough action for one day man.

2009-10-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

I wonder if you still visit here, where did the telepathy go, I used to be able to read your mind. Times when i pick up my phone about to sms you, your sms would come in. I will know its you everytime, and with a smile, open and read your message. You never failed me to make me happy, with me smiling at the things you say.

What happened now, i still have got burning questions in my head, i need some answers. But, i know i will perhaps never have a chance to ask you. I don't want to give up, that's not my way of doing things, so don't make me. Continuing my prayers every night, holding fast to the what may become just memories.

You are my one and only. I'm gonna be faithful and loyal to only one person. " True love isn't about loving a perfect person, but an imperfect person perfectly. "

2009-10-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

I've typed and backspaced so many thousands of times. I don't know what to say, what to think.

Went overnight fishing on Sunday. Standing on the bridge, looking at the water below, at the cars rushing past on the road. I thought of you, your photo which i saw in your house, you holding a fishing rod. A tear of mine dropped and joined the vast sea of water. I lay on the bridge, staring up the night sky, and for every star i saw, i wished a wish, hoping that they will come true, before putting you back to the back of my mine again. But remember this, you'd always be the first in my heart.

Tears of regret.

2009-10-16T06:20:00.001-07:00

Talking to You every night and whenever i have the space to, constantly praying and asking for your guidence. And now i guess i've got the answer. Thanks for everything, and now i've to be on my own to handle things, let see how this goes..

Seeing you smile today, i smiled too. When the night comes again, you'd be in my mind once more, and i will think of the happy times we had together. For now, you're happy, i'm happy.

2009-10-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as in heaven
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
As we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours.
Now and forever. Amen.

Dear God, pave and light my way and lead me to where i should go.

2009-10-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

Have tried my utmost best for this exams. Awaiting for results now, in fear and hope, for a miracle to change things.

Give me a chance, to prove things to you. To show you its possible, just one chance is all i ask for.
Dear God, guide me in this path, to the truth and light.

2009-09-29T06:02:00.001-07:00

I've promised God, that after tonight, i won't shed anymore tears for you.

12 days.
When its over, i hope my love's still there.

2009-09-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging much, know of someone that shouldn't be reading this is reading my posts. Just spoils my mood. Gave up on the chalet post.

So yeah, exams are coming and all. I want to have a change class yet am not looking forward to the change. Mixed feelings, i don't want to leave your side, i know its near impossible to enter the same class, i know you won't give up your chase for 3/5 because of me. I don't know what decision to make. There are bound to be changes next year, some things just won't be the same again. You meet new people, i do too. But i can swear upon my life, i won't have a change of heart. Sometimes i wonder about how your mind thinks, same or different?

In a state of confusion, you are busy studying, i know that. I will come second or perhaps even third to your guy friends for now, after your first piority, results. Or had it always been like that? Wishful thinking on my part, i haven't heard from you for days, it was so easy for you to completely stop talking to me all of a sudden. And today, i refused to talk or even take a look at you, for one look, all the efforts i took to ignore you enters the drain. Don't blame me for the stone-cold heart, i'm void of love now.

When i wake up in the morning, with tears in my eyes, i will know, i've been dreaming of you.

2009-09-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

Class chalet post, here goes.

Met up with him at Amk station, saw others already outside the station, so we went along with them guys. Took a bus there, trip was pretty long, but sitting beside you, i'm not bored. Alot of action in the bus, guys playing and girls laughing, havoc i tell you. So yeah, reached the interchange, went to eat/get presents/arcade. After all that, i don't know who's leading the pack, we boarded bus 403 which i thought was weird, but followed anyway since they were already queuing. Told them its the wrong bus halfway and we took a turn back, and then kinda brought the pack to the chalet the right way this time.

There, they all played alittle mahjong. Went to fill up water balloons alittle later, and then started playing when the other girls came out. In the end, we were surrounded three guys, one of them the manager. Told us it'd be slippery and what not crap, and then we had to pick the plastic bags up, we were gonna do so anyway. Asked for room number, everybody acted blur, all don't know of a sudden. Then they were just standing there talking among themselves and we walked away.

Cycled after that, only an hour though. Spy's kicking soccer and the ball ended up in the sea, lousy right. Cycled all around the whole park at quite some speed, played catching on bikes and then one hour's up. And then we went to open a coconut halfway, Yiqing act clever and used a stick to poke poke poke the coconut, and then had splinters in her hand. Back to chalet, the poor me had to take out her splinters one by one, for FREE. Somemore so professional okay, was pretty patient with it. Others mahjong, poker, black jacks and everything. Watched three half naked guys swimming.

Okay, the post was typed pretty late, and i'm falling asleep. Part two tomorrow. :D

2009-09-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

Blogging about the chalet tomorrow. :D

2009-09-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Today was the lamest day ever. Went for netball early in the morning which i see no point in, go there slack and then back home. Its okay, last one before cca officially stands down. *smiles widely* And there's this cat that came to my corridor early in the morning just to go meow meow meow the whole morning. Spoilt my sleep.

Ah whatever. Tomorrow will be a better day definitely. Class chalet eh! Poor people that still got to go for PESS carnival, luckily i'm out of it. No more rushing back. This spells fun. Alright, short post. Later at night perhaps.

2009-09-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna move. This place is no longer safe for posting. Hais..

2009-09-06T05:38:00.000-07:00

Went marketing with mum for once today. Took a bus there instead of the usual cycling since it was still raining alittle. Alighted outside Christ The King church. Saw many people just coming out, thought of someone who might be in there. Smsed and asked. He just left. But we still got the chance to meet in the end. Finally spotted a guy in bright blue who didn't see me at the hawker. Tabao-ed food and walked past his table, wave and smiled. HAHA. Then he walked past me and i didn't notice. Walked into the wet market and saw him again, was in my auntie state, helping my mum carry the plastic bags lah. Then back to the supermarket, saw him for the third time! I was buying ice cream, heh. But i saw someone's kiddish side, looking at kid's lanterns that were on display. He said he was trying to off them cos they were making so much noise. How cool was that, meeting someone at the market so many times.

Macs in the morning tomorrow, 10:30. Eat and eat and eat and then cannot run during trainings. And it will all be Celine's fault. Say want study, i wonder how true is that. Might end up eating more than studying. See how it goes tomorrow.

2009-09-01T22:06:00.000-07:00

Urgh, what does my neighbour got to spoil my sleep-in morning! Shouting as she walked past my house, banged on the door like no one's business, and then charge into my house talking in her ultrasound voice. So pekchek man.

Nothing better to do now, bro's out with his friends. Me stuck at home with a great weather to sleep, but i'm currently having a slight headache, so yea, no sleep for now. Craving for ice cream which i'm lazy to get from downstairs or the market.

Talking about yesterday, teacher's day was kinda funny. Especially the ninja warrior part. First, congrats to 2/5 in winning. The spinning station was the most funny one lah, a guy from 2/1 couldn't walk straight after he spinned, and walked diagonally into the class sitting at the side and fell into the the crowd. Another one fell down after spinning and couldn't get up. -.- And what was most funny was a teacher could fall just by holding a ping pong ball and walking. And and, i got to sit beside someone while the ninja warrior thing was going on and was just beside that someone when class photo was taken. HAHA.

Okay, seriously looking forward to the chalet after someone promised me to show me a new face. :D But i don't like school tomorrow! There's IAP which i seriously hate, voice recording and what not, boliao lah!

2009-08-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Next week is kinda hectic. I can't remember the netball schedule. But teachers' day celebration should be amusing enough. Still wonderring if i should like go back to MFPS. Haven't started on the cards for the various teachers just yet. Holidays still got trainings, so sad right.

Looking forward to class chalet. Even though there's PESS carnival the next day. Darn, i wish i can skip it. Or maybe i should.

Hmmm, currently relatives are flooding my house now. Coming over to eat after some praying. Some seventh month stuffs which i don't really understand. I only know how to eat. They are preparing the food over there while i'm here blogging. I only know how to eat!

Okay, nothing to blog now. Maybe later.

2009-08-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today was crazy. I got 10 hours of school service apparently. 老虎不发挥, 不要把我当成病猫. There's something that i'm capable of doing that you guys won't expect. Reflection was a funny one, hope Ms Yeo wouldn't mind my language. Later call parents and what not again. TIRED OF ALL THESE!

Training, was quite alright. Sprinted off all my anger. I wasn't in the best of mood. But ohwell, 为了友情, 这一点时间算得了什么. 10 hours, gone in a flash.

Crap lah, i'm so freaking tired i dozed off on the sofa just now. Still got science test tomorrow which i heard was very very very difficult. But, I will conquer. :D

2009-08-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

Day out with Celine today. Waiting for her at Amk station, i was really stupid in counting the number seventh door. I counted from the wrong side and was planning to actually count the train's door instead of the yellow drawings on the ground. How can i be dumber than Celine right. I was like a retard lah, nothing better to do counting the drawings on the ground, bet many people were staring. And when i entered the train, she was sitting on the PIORITY SEAT, what's worse, SHE WAS SUCKING ON A LOLLIPOP LAH!

Travelled to Orchard where we apparently walked in circles when we could walk straight. All thanks to CELINE THE GREAT! Caught " Where Got Ghost". The one sitting on my left, was covering her face for practically half of the movie where the ghost were. Asked her watch and she screamed. -.- She missed the red colour ghost that was so chio. Laughed everytime she screamed. And she MADE ME scream along, not that i wanna scream one lor. So manly where will scream right? Went to the toilet there after that, CELINE WAS SO SCARED SHE WANTED TO ENTER THE CUBICLE WITH ME LAH! People want pee one leh. Bian tai. Ohyeah, walked out and there's the passage leading to nowhere, Celine freaked out and ran down the long long long flight of stairs. I was lagging behind her and was wondering why she didn't fall. -.- She run so fast during training power already lor.

Went to makan later, Suntec. Walked in circles again, walked to our left when its like just on our right. Can't blame her lah hor, people left hander mah, of course walk left. Went to somewhere to eat with FREE FLOW OF ICE CREAM AND DRINKS. No wonder she wanna go lah. HAHAHAHA!

Mrt-ed back to AMK, talked and what not. About some explicit stuffs lah hor. TATOOOS and what not. Talk damn long till my mouth also suan already lor. Like taking ghost train, HAHA! Then arrived. Celine walk walk walk walk, slippers dirty. Then like typical auntie, cannot stand dirty one mah, have to wipe. Wipe already, walk, then have to wipe again. -.- Act funny lah hor. Yeah, that's about it lor. Girls day out what to expect.

Now, she reading this post lying down beside me like a mermaid or a sleeping buddha. Whichever is more suitable. Laughing away lah. Still laughing..... Taidi-ed and then stress and then donkey. Like small kid like that when playing stress lor. From sit down to kneel to kneeling upright. Sibei hiong. Okay lah, don't paiseh her anymore. maybe more tonight! Stay tuned kay.

2009-08-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

Muscle aches all over today. Can't turn my neck to my right due to wrong sleeping posture, aching legs from yesterday's 2.4km run or maybe badminton interhouse too. But still walking properly. Timing for 2.4 was 10:23, the route we took was pretty much easier i guess.

Celebrated Ms Yeo's birthday today during VE. Everyone was so high at first, closed doors and windows and switched off lights and fans. We waited and waited by she didn't come. Apparently, she forgot she had to come in. Our excitement died down pretty fast. Sang birthday song when she finally entered the class, but she was such a spoiler lah. Didn't seemed to be touched of what we did, presents people wanted to give her, she just asked them to put it on the table. D: But ohwell..

Went over to Claire's house after school with the other girls, Lyn, Anila, Siya, Xenia, Candice and Jes. Practised volleyball for Friday's interhouse. Was pretty fun, but the service was pretty much screwed up. Didn't knew it's so hard to serve lah! But we got better after the whole thing, i mean seriously, much much much better. All thanks to Claire the coach! Went up to her house for awhile and then went home. And ouch, my arm's pretty much hurting too. D:

2009-08-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

Thursday:
Congrats to Respect and those who played for the interhouse netball. You guys worked hard, and we maintained our third. Thanks for all who came to watched us too.

Friday:
Went to watch basketball interhouse at the CC. Met up with Enqi and Zalifa first. Enqi was like spamming calls to my phone, wanting to come my house. But they didn't came anyway, i met up with them at the bubbletea shop. I ate, then Enqi went to play with the pingpong machine and was so damn tyco lah. For 4 or 5 times i think. And won a kinda band. Zalifa and i each took one and then wore it. Looks childish but ohwell, then i don't know how, we became in Enqi's followers lah. But we quit somehow, cos she wasn't a good clan leader. HAHA, she went mad crazy when we said we wanna quit.

Going to the science centre tomorrow for family day organised by mummy's company. And lastly, congrats to friend on finding her love. :D I don't know if she minds if i put her name so ohwell.

2009-08-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

Been busy trying to handle everything on my own at home. Brother's down, mummy rushing to the hospital and grandma's house almost everyday. Dad's busy working and trying to cover mummy's responsibilities. And there's nothing else i can do. I pray and pray every night, tearing at some point for everyone around me to be alright and happy again. Its been so long since i prayed so hard, so much wanting for my prayers to be heard and answered. Its been long...

Home-d after netball instead of having dinner outside, sorry to pangseh. But i really wanted to see how bro is doing. But he isn't fine just yet. I prayed again the minute i got out of the shower. Home had been so solemn and quiet, me sitting in front of the comp doing my work while everyone's out. No more laughter or chit chats.

And i look back at how i've tried to help, all i could do was pray. But i got back a stupid book that needed parent's signature again today. I'm not planning to sign it, just not to bother mummy or daddy that's already so busy and worn out. Maybe someday, then again, never. A scolding tomorrow won't mean much compared to whatever shit is happening at home now.

And today, i pray for You to watch over people around me, friends or enemies the same.

2009-08-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

Today was a long day, school and test and then netball. I was damn tired during lessons, maths was a total drag. The table we were using was so small that i can't even sleep. Finally slept at mother tongue but was waken up a number of times by the teacher that kept asking my group to present. Went to english but was in a half dead state, got my head piaked by ms yeo's stack of paper on the head and my newspaper article thrown away.

Was hungry throughout the whole of the home econ tests. The test was pretty easy anyway, and chionged down to eat immediately after Mrs Sim finally released us.

Netball league again. Next thursday is going to be the last, how saddening. I hate trainings that's resuming. Won blue sharks and bomberman by one i think. Play was not bad i guess. Bomberman don't sad kay, you guys work alittle harder can surely win us. I can see someone kinda pissed during the games. Hurhur.

Ohyeah, i forgot to mention that i got an black eye today during PE. All thanks to Soh Yi Qing and her craziness, hahaha. Its swollen and took me such a long time to wear my contacts. Lesson learnt, not to be playing as a handball goalkeeper. :D

2009-08-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

Watched NDP preview yesterday, only reached home at about 11pm. When we went there we had to climb up 4 levels or stairs, its was damn crowded and stuffy, some old aunties climb till halfway wanted to come down. Imagine how hard it is, going against the current of people. And then some kid threw a book down from on top the stairs, quite some commotion since it hit a typical auntie. And when everything's over, throngs of people walked out. And those with rubbish threw their plastic bags from the other side of the crowd all the way to the big big big dustbin to the other end. You can see white plastic bags flying around in front of you. Some noobs of course miss and all lah. And oh, i got an ORANGE funpack. Not much photos, but this will so i guess. Couldn't get the rubbish one, cos i can't even raise my arm amongst the crowd, what's more, i'm short. -.-

2009-07-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

Post as promised.

So, on Thursday, we had home econs. After going through what we had to do for the research and practical exams, we played a game on the computer. "Who wants to be a millionaire", home econs version. Mrs Sim asked for one girl and guy to represent the guys and girls in our group. So obviously, who's the duo sabotaged, of course spy and me. Mrs Sim didn't suspect anything at first, the game went on. All my questions all so hard! Spy's lucky, questions all so easy! But Mrs Sim kinda helped me, when spy used the helpline to call her, she didn't gave spy the answer! Time was up before he could ask the question. Mrs Sim was like " Who are you?! What's your name?" Entertaining much, the game ended with spy winning.

At the end of the game, Mrs Sim said spy was nice-looking, and asked if he was attached, if not can ask for his number for the other girls. Okay, i was jealous, haha. Took him so much consideration before he said yeah. Out of curiousity, Mrs Sim asked who. Chatters started, hints given. And she was like " The girl in this class ah? Who is the lucky one?" And i don't know what happened, she knew it was me already. Asked me how long we had been together and all. And said i was sweet while spy was nice looking, compatible.

After it had died down, she shared her previous experience which was stupid. A guy don't know date girl must go out hold hand one. -.- Laughed and all, she's a pretty good teacher anyway. Open to these kinda topics. Interesting lesson.

2009-07-28T06:37:00.001-07:00

Life's so hectic now. Upon reaching home after training, the moment i sat down, thoughts started to flood my mind. Thinking if i have tests tomorrow, what forms have to be signed, what homework to be done, and birthday gifts to be completed. Not to mention the oral tomorrow and my stuffs in school that need to be redone. I can't even take a breather, so much things to ponder upon, so much to cope. Sighs, i wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Just hope tomorrow will be a better day.. I planned long for all these, although it may not seem much. Your birthday falls during common test period, but i hope this is enough to make you remember. Hope you will appreciate everything i've done.

2009-07-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering why i'm practically updating my blog every single day, i'm trying to revive it, isn't it obvious. My tagboard's dead, maybe i should start tagging people so that they might tag back, haha.

I've dedicated three posts, or two to this particular person. I think i shall stop it, though i've actually much more to say. Ohwell, life had never been the way you want it.

2009-07-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

You will never know how much you mean to me. I don't bear any hope of telling you either, not anymore. i will show in deeds, but whether you see my intentions, its another different thing. I'll just take every passing day as it comes, regardless if you are with me.

2009-07-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

Just trust me this once more, i won't let you down anymore.
This will be the last time you will feel this way, i'll keep my promise.
Let this be over.

2009-07-21T04:27:00.000-07:00

Two tests today, HCL and English compo. HCL is a total flunk. And guess what i wrote about in my compo with the topic " Loneliness' ? Its was something like July 1 post. Hahaha, talk about inspirations, first time i managed to finish my compo. HCL test was not like a test, everyone's looking around and whispering and passing the whole answer sheet for people to copy. Just look how focussed i was. -.- Spotting this kinda things instead of checking my paper.

Training resumed, slack with the juniors around. I love this kinda trainings. Homed at about six.

Dear friend, you did nothing wrong. Just close your eyes and everything will be over soon. I've too much on my mind now. Sorry for the way i'm treating you, i'll make up for it.

2009-07-13T06:24:00.000-07:00

I just slept my whole afternoon away, until my auntie neighbour came barging into my house and started talking so loudly and high-pitched that i had to wake up. Even hiding under my pillow doesn't work, i had to crawl so far on my bed just to get the pillow and in the end doesn't work.

Are we supposed to act the way we have been brought up or the way God had made us? Society made us to only think of ourselves and our future. To be competing in every aspect of life, be it studies or work. Its only natural that we lose ourselves in this process. Its every man for himself. God made us to think and care for others, to love everyone like siblings. But i don't think its the case now, empathy is lost in the fight for survival. How can we love each other when we are fighting against each other. We can't be both at the same time, its totally contradicting.

I'm in a total dilemma on which side of me i should act as. I've tried acting how God made me, and neglected my studies to be a better friend and person, you say i failed you guys and i was an ingrate. I then change to be how society made me to be and you said i was without empathy and wasn't thinking for you guys. Tell me, what should i do now. Tell me what i should be. I'm lost.

2009-07-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

Just realised my posts are getting more and more slang. Just post this in perfect english. :D

So, separate tables first thing in the morning, no more talks and laughters. Just gonna be in my own small world.

Hasn't been on talking terms with my mom lately, she's so dominating all of a sudden. I can't talk to my bro at the dining table, just cos she doesn't talk. When we quarrel, she say we quarrel. We talk, she asks us to shut up. And she apparently doesn't like the language i use. So what's the point of eating together at the table in silence. I rather eat in the living room, alone, then to put up with you. I really don't know how to satisfy you man, how long have this been going. I don't know how long i can last. I shall not speak to you anymore, if there's no need to.

And I feel i've been drifting away from the real world of people. I don't want to talk anymore, the end.

2009-07-01T05:03:00.001-07:00

Realised alot of stuffs today, alone, on the way back home. After school, i saw someone ( i shall use a she in this context) i knew from school , walking alone, in front of me. It just dawned on me, why wasn't she joining her friends for lunch after school? That person wasn't in a rush i can see, for she was walking very slowly, barely lifting her feet off the ground. Then i thought, perhaps its not that she didn't want to join them, but perhaps she was unwelcomed. I've seen and heard for myself all about the rumours about her in school of the past whole year, how she had been acting and behaving, but that was just to make people notice her presence. She used to come down for recess, but gradually, she began to stay in class.
Then there's just this empty vast space in me all of a sudden. I searched within myself, and hey, I'm pretty much luckier to at least have a few besties to at least be there for me. But her, the friend she counted on most not only just left her for other ' better ' friends, but talked behind her back too. I just wanted to just walked up and say a "hello." , but i just didn't have the courage to. Something pulled me back, perhaps because i'm afraid that she wil just ignore me.
We went on with our separate routes, and i thought, why can't i be just a friend for her to make her school days a little better? I know how it feels to be alone and left out totally, it doesn't feel good. Maybe tomorrow, i shall be a friend to a lonely soul. As said, all friends starts from strangers. :D

2009-06-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

Trying to post some pictures but they just refuses to load. Damn it.

Okay, Sakae today, pretty much fun. Sat one table with Celine, Zirui, Enqi, Yiqing and Amanda. Food wasn't very nice, is the chats and conversations that's interesting rather. Played some game with Celine and Enqi, Celine was so excited to play that she yelled "quick!" darn loudly and everyone turned to look at our table, so malu. Eat and eat and eat, until everyone can't eat anymore except for the one sitting on my right, keep eating eels. Poor eels that ends up in her stomach. Went home after that, took bus with Enqi and pangseh-ed yiqing at the bus stop.

Off to complete tuition homework!

2009-06-27T06:13:00.001-07:00

Over at Changi Village now, at my uncle's house, till tommorrow night i think. No time for homework! More fun before school officially reopens. School ends pretty late for this term, hate it. D: Okay, off to have more fun!

2009-06-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

School's reopening soon. Homework half-done, only did maths algebra and english. Its gonna be so weird to be back in school. I don't miss people while there's holidays, okay, there's one. Haven't been talking to that person much nor met up. regret ah regret. Other than that, i guess i've spent much fun with the people i treasure and love. Not much of missing school either cos i've been going back about thrice a week.

Post more during the weekends, i'm bored now.

Tag replies:
zirui : Okay, i will.
YIQING : Hi hi.
zirui : No problem, what're friends for?
C SQUARE! : Yeap, maybe she does? I don't know. Nothing to update leh.
joel : at that time still pain de lo.
yileee : Quads are the front part of your thigh?
zirui : poor you. D; Tag already.
joel : i didn't go anywhere what.
zirui : okay, sure.
YOUR MOM : Hello!

2009-06-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Argh, i'm currently in pain. There's this stupid strain in my left quads that is so irritating! But miraculously, i can still walk properly, hurts only when i run. Training tomorrow still, how to survive. Stretch till cannot stretch anymore still not okay. Now icing it, doubts it helps. Every 10 minute i've to walk to the fridge to get the other ice pack and put the used one in the freezer. I'm resorting to every mean to get my quads cured. I don't even know what happened to it, after warm up, the first runnning step i took, the pain appeared. How sudden right?! First step only leh! Today's so not my day lah.

2009-06-10T01:07:00.000-07:00

Tag replies:
Anonymous: Thanks. And you are?
joel: Tag more often lah. You jiayou yourself too.
Zirui: Returned the favour. :D Will tag more if i've something to tag that is.
C SQUARE! & (: XENIA: HAHAHA! Don't quarrel on my tagboard lah. Tsktsk.
C SQUARE!: The angelic one is you, ape is Xenia. (inside joke) HAHAHA!
yileee: HAHAHA! Will try to make it if i can. Just hope the time won't clash. :/

2009-06-10T00:57:00.001-07:00

Ain't i'm understanding enough already? Whenever you are feeling down and threw your temper at me, I didn't hold it against you. Once there's the first time, there's the second and the third. But everytime i tried understanding, till you took it for granted. Now, you get pissed as and when you like it, and you expect me to understand? You leave me aside when you have company, am i only an entertainer to you?

If i hadn't been understanding enough, i'm sorry. But this is how far i can take it.

2009-06-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

Life's hard to get through now, but i will survive.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;

Be honest and sincere anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

2009-06-01T06:44:00.000-07:00

Training today was okay i guess, i like overcrowded trainings, unlike tomorrow's. Cos yeah, its kinda fun and slack. Ms Huang seems to bear some grudges against these 3 girls from sec 1 for god knows what reason. Poor things.

Have nothing to post, my mood is spoilt from the moment i got home. Everything's different now, i'm tired. No rest is gonna be enough. You guys say i can't take failure, but can you? I failed this once, can you guys take it? In a game, someone's gonna lose, and this time, i'm that loser. When i don't smile, you say i'm unhappy with everything going around me. And when i do, you say i'm fooling around and not focused. I don't know what you guys want. Shall stop listening to you all and follow what my heart tells me and bring me to. God will have His way of making me see the light.

2009-05-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

PTC is total crap. Shouldn't have went in the first place. And yeah, talk and talk about my lousy results and asking questions i don't have answers to. I don't even know what the hell got into me lah. So yea, everything's gonna be taken away from me. Everything's my fault, all the problems lie in me i know. My bad, my fault, everything also put the blame on me lah.

Since you guys want me to produce results and nothing else matters anymore. I shall give up everything i have now. I'm gonna spend the holidays doing homework, happy? I will quit attending netball, i will not hang out with my friends anymore, i will not talk to anyone so as to not drain my brain capacity. All i'm gonna do in to drown myself in studies. Wake up, eat, sleep, study, do homework. That will be my daily routine. Satisfied? If that's not enough i can even stop msning or smsing or talking on the phone. You drove me up the wall, i've no where to go already. I'm just gonna study and study. And stop all communication with anybody else. I shall only talk to my books and worksheets. If you want me to be like that, i can. And maybe, i will. Just wait and see.

2009-05-27T05:50:00.000-07:00

Still waiting for the right time to show my results. And i'm running out of time already.

Physical conditioning yesterday and today. Killer, my neck's aching, and blisters burst. Looks kinda gross now. Celine and Jennifer was walking like some drunkards due to their muscle aches on the way to the market. From left can walk until right, front can walk till back. And after eating, the duo can't get up, and i guess including zirui as well. Basketball-ed to volleyball-ed to watching a cat eat. Hahaha, plenty of laughters today, till everyone's abs hurt.

School, slept in form class and didn't went to 2/2 for HMT. Music was ghostly till i can't sleep properly. So noisy. Reversi-ed, but lost all. Was winning at the first half, then the second half die. Lost to yiqing, first timer, but with help of Xenia and Lyn, by one pathetic seed. Break my heart man. Then walked to the toilet at the other end and then assembly. Darn cold in the hall i swear, didn't managed to sleep.

Off to complete science presentation though i'm so freaking tired. Damn, and PTC is like a few days away. Holiday training, not to mention, is even worse man. Not even a week's break. Darn.

2009-05-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Just a conversation with you can get me so freaking pissed. You just don't get my language. That's why sometimes i rather face my comp than you. I have nothing in common with you to talk about already. You always say you want my time, and when i give it to you by trying to talk to you, you ignore me. Hais.

Results, i really don't know how to break the news. None of my results will be good enough for you guys. You think i want this kinda results yea? Can't help it if things get harder by the day, its natural my results will drop. Its no longer like P1 or P2, where scoring full marks is so damn easy, even for maths. That was years ago, things do change... I should have never scored in the first place, at least my life will be easier now. Never mind, who cares about this anyway? Its just a small matter within all of you. I shall just stop ranting here.

I tried. I gave it all. I don't know what you guys want.