Perching on the Soul

Date: Thursday, July 31, 2008

7:57 AM

my blog's kinda dead? not updates for long, i know. Life had really been marked by intense agitation and emotions. i really dont have any concentration and focus in whaetever i do, and i think i'm really slacking ALOT. netball trainings, but i haven been puting in all my effort, just joking away and wasting time, not training but slacking, and wasting precious training time away, i dont know how i actually did put in that much effort when i was in primary school. perhaps, life was not so busy, and teachers were always there when you needed them, they can always be treated as your second parents. there was always time for reflections and improvement. but now, i'm getting really tired of life. for the past few days, i dont have a good night's sleep, and always ended up dozing off in class, like today, in both maths and science lessons. really sorry, but i just cant help it, i was really too tired. and there's all those emotional problems. dont want to mention it though, just hope this period pass soon and everything can be back to normal. i hope. i'm just so not me anymore. and i think too much. sorry peeps if i had offended you all with my words and actions, i know it already did some damages but i dont mean it. apologies.

31/7/08, 11:03pm

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Date: Wednesday, July 16, 2008

7:21 AM

i'm back. these few days have been real depressing, although i act as if nothing had happened. but actually, i'm hurting inside, and as to not keep you people moody, i decided to stay happy. well, tomorrow will be a busy day, with training, remedial and stuffs. i don't get to go home like until like about 7pm? but i guess it will do me some good, i can then stay out of some stuffs at home. and when i reach home tired, i'll just sleep and wait for a new day, a better day. but i seems to lose interest in what i'm playing now, netball. the passion don't seems to e there anymore, the fiery hot passion. it had seemed to fade, and i'm not playing as well as i used to. after sticking to the same CCA for about 3 years, it's hard to keep the passion going, interest will change. but i'll try to work it out and get the passion back again, for the sake of my previous coaches and teachers that believes that i have the potential to play well. i have to train hard, and play hard. but my studies, i'm negleting my studies, i completely lost interest and my respect for the teachers are all gone, now i dnt put them in my eyes, i believe that most of this studies, we have to do it ourselves, teahcers dnt help anymore. time to slp, ciaos.

11.50pm

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Date: Tuesday, July 15, 2008

5:57 AM

there's a communication barrel between me and my dad. and it's all my fault. had i simply did what he wanted me to do, and not argue and procrastinate in everything, things will not end up like that. i know he wants me to stretch to my fullest potential, but i did understand his thoughts. he cant rely on my brother to accomplish his dreams, for he's not make out for it, so his hopes for my brother, are all pushed to me. but what did i do with all these hopes, I SHATTERED THEM ALL, ALL BY MYSELF. i don't blame him for all these, for i was the cause. i should have just did what i can, not just to please him, it's for me and me alone. he will want the best for me, and i should take it in my stride, and accept it. but why was i so defiant? i should have kept my mind open, and strive for the best, and thought about how my speech and actions can hurt someone. But, why didn't i do it? i just cant understand. and till now, i still regret it, this is not the first time that he had not spoken to me in days, but i still wont learn my lesson. to make up for all these wrong doings of mine, i shall work doubly hard from now on, and fulfill all those dreams of yours, i promise i will try, i mean it. and i hope things will get back to normal soon. i need some alone now, and pardon me for anything i say or do out of frustration, i don't mean it.

9:14pm, 15/7

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Triathlon

Date: Sunday, July 13, 2008

1:06 AM

woohoo! i finished the Osim Triathlon. i know its not a great achievement, but at least i finished okay? didnt stop during the run, but the biking part was not as expected, riding speed wasnt constant, gonna work on that. I FINISHED!!!

"“…and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”
- Og Mandino

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Rescue Mission

Date: Monday, July 07, 2008

12:51 AM

just came back from a rescue mission. the mission started abt 3 days ago. it was a mission to save lives, of not long born kittens. lets start all the way from the beginning. it just finished raining, and i went to the market to get some food for my lunch. on my way back, i decided to pass by the power station to look at the cats that's always there. then, as i was playing with an adult cat, i heard meows. it came from behind the power station. so i went behind to check the sounds out. i realised, they came from inside the drain. as i looked down, i saw kittens inside the drain, the water was at abt their necks, and one was floating on top, apparently, it had drowned. there were still four other kittens, so i opened up the drain, and lowered myself in. it was a big drain, not the kind of small ones you people see. and water was gushing in through the three big holes in the drain. i picked up the kittens two by two, each in one hand, and lifted them out of the drain onto dry land, including the dead one. the kittens were wet and cold, they were shivering, they began to backed away from me, but i meant no harm. but after awhile, they knew it, and began to crowd around me, trying to get warmth. i saw their pitiful state, but i had no cloth to dry them with. the only cloth i had with me then was only my shirt, so, i have no choice but to use it to dry them. their lives were far more important than my shirt. after drying them up, i looked around for a safe place for them. then, i realised that the big adult cat might be its mother, as it came to see what happened. so i gave the kitten to its mother, and it but the sruff of their necks, carrying them one by one into the power station, i helped to carry it in there, seeing it was safe inside. looking them go, i saw the dead cat left behind. its stomach has bloated, but i wasnt afraid. i took it to a grass patch, dug a hole and burried it. i then said my prayers for the cats and left, with tears. a cat that haven't seen the world yet had just died...

today, i went back there, because it rained again and i was afraid that the cats might be in there again. this time, i brought along a towel and some cat food. i approached the drain, i didnt hear any meowing, but looked in there, they were on top of cardboard box that i had place the previous day, and that box had saved their lives, they had climbed onto it, escaping the gushing water. once again, i opened the drain and fished the cats out, wiping the shivering kittens dry. i thought why the mother cat had allowed its child to wander into the drain, or perhaps it put them in there, wanting to avoid the other cats? but it definitely wasnt a safe place. i counted the kittens, not wanting to find another dead. but, one was missing, i just couldnt find it, nor did it came out. it might not have died, as i didnt find its body.i put in back into the power station with its mother, i cant possibly bring them home. i prayed that the kitten i cant find wasnt dead, all i can count on to look after it was god. let the kitten ate and off i went. as i walked pass where the kitten was burried, i poured some cat biscuits near it, and some water.tears and prayers again. hope it rest in peace, and lead a happy life with the angels.

typed at 4.14pm, 7/7/08

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Date: Friday, July 04, 2008

7:48 PM

why are human relationships so fragile, both in the sense of love and friendship. love can be such a romantic and loving one, but in a glance, everything can be gone. it's not after every successful relation that you can start all over again. it's hard to put down all the memories, and all the times you spent together. it's not that easy, the heart is fond of good memories. when a relation ends, it's hard to muster all the courage and start a relation that you are unsure of, maybe it comes out successful, or not. we, are all scared of failure, and to give it our all may be difficult, for we don't want to experience failure again. the less effort you put in, the impact of failure may not be that great, but for relationships, you really got to give it whatever you have got, so if it fails, the impact might be too much for you to take, all by yourself . so why start one when you can't accept a failure?

as for friendships, friends for over so many years can be put down and forgotten ever so easily. just because of just an obstacle that we both met, we didn't want to find a solution to solve it, just forget this friendship and all is solved, isit a better solution this way, it may be faster, but you will have to sacrifice a friend you had for so long, one that shared happiness, laughters and tears. can you put this down so easily after you, and treat this friendship as if it never happened before? it is that easy?

this may be happening to me or not, but this is what i think. think through it people, doesn't it make sense?
human, are really complicated.

sneaked into school without a ticket for NOMAD. for a short time only yea, tonight going!

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Date: Wednesday, July 02, 2008

6:39 AM

argh, tired out. just finish alot of running. my legs are gonna ache like i-dont-know-what tmr, confirmed. and i dont know why, i fell today.and there's two plasters on my two legs. make it worse wheni'm running.

and today in class, i listened to songs, in class, when the teacher was talking. but i didnt realised that the teacher knew it. i was talking to candice, and the ear piece was exposed to the teacher, it was directly facing the teacher you know? and i was trying to hide it, but then the teacher walked over and told me to remove it. so much dificulty, but in the end it was still inside. so suay man, no spinning of books but listening of songs also kena caught. but during assembly listen no one come catch, but some ppl saw it, but it's okay, friends what. try tmr again, i cant survive without it man, lessons are so damn sian lar. gtg liao, no mood.

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