Histories <$BlogArchiveName$>

wow, what a bad day today, since this pathetic morning. firstly, PE. went for two rounds, but i was practically panting like a dog, when it's like only 1.2km? out of shape alr, cannot slack anymore during netball trainings, have to push myself harder alr, i dnt want to lag behind the others. no more slacking, serious. then, free games, since i was one of the few that's behind, so we're not having napfa, next week for me. have to train hard, and practise. but my pull ups, argh, my wrist, is hurts even if i hold a light weight, and there's possibly no way for me to grip properly, so i gonna get a bad grade for it, and probably get a silver only, when i hoped for a gold. everything's 5 points, except for one, can you imagine how ugly it's gonna look? hais, what a failure, i cant even get a gold for napfa, what's the use? and lastly in the TWO periods, i got to be scolded by someone that's doesn't get their facts right first. when i went to return the keys, up the stairs, when michelle had to ask me for the keys, i thought she wanted to pass the keys to mdm yau on my behalf, so i throw the keys LIGHTLY to her, but i didnt expect her to miss the throw, and the keys that fell onto the ground made a loud noise. mdm yau thought i was not in my right mood, and then started to ask me some questions that are so irrelevant, she thought something had happened, and i was angry, and vented my anger on her by throwing the keys. but, i thought she wanted to hlp me pass, so i threw it, so that i dnt have to walk all the way to pass it to her and then walk away again right? this is pure common- sense, but some teachers dnt get their facts right, and starts blabbering away alr. and in the end, bad mood for the rest of the day. and today, something seems to have woke me up. during drama, a question popped out, " have you ever reflected? " or something like that. i was suddenly in deep thoughts, but i didnt dared to think much, cos i might be too engaged in my own thoughts. but now, i have all the time in the world, and i spent the whole afternoon thinking through it. have i rly thought abt my own actions and the consequences behind it? NO. when i threw the keys, i didnt thought abt my actions and the effect. what a fool, i'm old enough to think, but i still made this kind of mistakes over and over again. and when i speak, i dont think how the other party will feel, and end up blurting out everything i have to say, but by the time i finally managed to think through it, damage had been done, and no amount of apologising can rewind time and take back the damage, and it's too late. and when reflecting is done, as time pass, promises and reflection done will be forgotten, and everything will end up going haywire, again, and blaming myself for the useless fool i've been. i've been twirled around many times, but this continues, WHAT A FOOL I AM! everytime, this kind of things happens. ARGH, ENOUGH OF THIS NOT THINKING BEFORE ACTING.THIS MUST STOP, AND SOLUTIONS HAVE TO BE FOUND FAST!