Histories <$BlogArchiveName$>

i guess i'm back, i kinda got control of my emotions and made some promises to myself, and to be a better person.after one whole day at the beach, i sorted things out.i dnt knw why, whenever i'm troubled or have to do some thinking and reflecting, i will also choose the beach. and there's this very cool place, there's a rock for me to sit on, and then in front, have sea water, then can just put your legs into the water and sit on the stone and enjoy the sea breeze, and naturally, i will start to think of things i need to think.and finally, things are somehow resolved? .and at night, it dark and decided to go home, i feel sticky and salty, i think it's because of the sea breeze that carries salt with it frm the sea. that's the only bad thing. and when i got home, just after i've done all my thinking and reflecting stuffs, my dad had to give me such a scolding that i almost broke down and cried, i came home at abt 9pm, and it wasn't very late. he used such strong and harsh words on me, and i was shattered, really shattered, and so i went to my room and skipped dinner totally, for i did not want to face someone that left me something that scarred me emotionally. and i realised later, than my dad was in a foul mood, and took his anger on me, i gave up trying to talk back, and just be his ''chu qi tong''. why i'm always the one carrying the blame of others? especially his. he gets to do what he wants, and what abt me? i will be pinned down by expectations of others. and whatever i do, i always have to put him first, and when i dont, they take it out on me, for the sake of him.he's getting to be such a selfish brat with some attitude, i tried to put up with him, but then someone had to interfere and ruin all these, all he does is ask for things and order ppl around, and when i got fed-up and said '' can you think of others and not always asking for this and that? you are very selfish you know?'' and i was asked to shut up and just mind my own things, i'm trying to let him know how ppl around him feel, but my parents will always stand up for him, and i will have nth more to say. and when i do something slightly out of hand, a palm always land on my face, and i think not once on his. alright, i think i should shut up. no more complaining and stuffs. live with this live girl, bear with it.