I got really pissed with my brother just now. I was sweared at, just cos i switched the tv channel. He's watching some stupid dumb show, or rather, he was playing on the psp. Since he wasn't watching, it make sense for me to watch something better than some stupid people trying to guess some lameshit lyrics.

What got into me wasn't so much of the swearing, but how i had to let it go and withstand his attitude. Ever since i had this brother, i was taught to give in to everything i do. Or rather, i was forced to. From simple things like toys to fights and quarrels, i had to give in all. Whenever we quarrelled, fought, i was the one who got it in the end. Never was it once his fault, never. When i was younger, i used to whine and complain, but he's better at it. As things gets on, i've learnt, to take things into my own hands.

But till today, nothing happens when he says or do things that's over the line. I'm still the one that's taking it all. I don't want to rant or whine like a little kid anymore, but i guess things do have a limit to where they can get to. Its time to take turns, 14 years is a turn long enough.

I HAD to blog this cos i'm so freaked out currently.

I was on my comp listening to Tayor Swift's fifteen just a moment ago through my earpiece. And guess what, i heard my ahma's voice in the background of the song. I swear my ahma was just sitting on the sofa. I looked at her and then back to my comp again. Totally FREAKED OUT! And then trying to convince myself it was coming from ahma, i paused the song and stared at her, nope, she wasn't talking at all. Shrugging my shoulders, i resumed the song again, and there, it's her voice again! The usual screeching voice she's always speaking when she's talking. Darn, the song's still on pause now, although i don't believe in such things, how did ahma's voice got into the comp?!

However hard i tried, i failed to get out of the mess i'm in. Something that's built from nothing took one, coming two years, and torn down in just a matter of seconds. I took two months to heal, unsuccessfully. There's still pain in me, perhaps more regrets and unanswered questions burning within me. From that day on, you became my weakest point

Haven't been touching the lappy for a pretty long time already. So alittle update today.

1 December, class chalet was great. Flew kites and all, check out the blogs of those who went. Detailed updates over at theirs. Kite flying was great, with Jiaxun and Qingyi. " Qingyi 好像很喜欢收线 hor? " Funny comment by Jiaxun. Really, he kept reeling in the string in fear it will get caught in the tress, like that kite how can fly. And then when it finally got up into the sky we got it down and started flying it all over again. In the sky no more fun already.

Barbecue wasn't quite successful. Chicken wings not cooked. So escaped to downtown foodcourt to makan instead. I no bike since i wasn't staying over, had to run there. But the two guys that went were quite gentlemanly, laughs. Both offered to carry my bag while i ran, and Qingyi took over the running halfway. Never thought there would be gentlemen in 2/5. The group sent me off to the bus stop after the meal.

Training later on, sian yiqing sick again.

There's something i've been wanting to post up, but it will take pretty much a long time for me to really express whatever i want to say. I don't want to rant, or whine about things, so i guess i shall just forget the whole thing. Fyi, i've already got the first part typed out, just didn't finish it. Reminds me of the class chalet post, the second part's half done too. Sighs, its too late to post it up now anyway, everything is over..

There's this home progamme thingy introduced today. I wonder how long i can consistently do it for. Eating junk food every couple of days and all, totally unhealthy lifestyle. Running been kinda slow lately too.

Out tomorrow and probably thursday too.

Sighs, i'm in 3/3 next year. Yesterday night, or rather today morning, was already bad enough. Today afternoon was even worse, upon seeing who's in my class. No offence to those that are in 3/3 yeah. Gonna be so boring and dead in the class since no one's gonna stir up trouble, like what we have in the current 2/5.

Guess things will get better as time goes on, i hope. Why this allocation, don't get to be with the people i want, and people that i dislike quite alot are in my class. I foresee a loner school life ahead. 4 years, wasted. The very first decision i made to enter amkss was a wrong one, nothing's going well.

I'm really pissed now, next post later or tomorrow.

And you, you entered your dream class, my prayers for you were answered.
I'll remember you.

I wonder why i have to be so hypocritical at times.

I pretend to be friendly and talk to you when deep down inside me, all i feel is hatred and resentment against you. I have plenty of reasons to be hating you, and i'd probably hate you more than anyone, for you did the worse thing anyone could have done. None of your words nor actions can make up for it, ever.

Perhaps i should just stop talking to you totally, ignore everything. I don't wish to do whatever i'm doing now, i'm not comfortable with handling two emotions that are directly opposite of each other. I'm sorry, maybe you won't know what you had done to deserve this cold shoulder of mine, but it's too much against my conscience to be talking to you especially in such a hypocritical way.